This is 37!
Updated: Aug 4, 2020
“See I been going through something I’ve never felt before. Been seeing different around me but not like this before. And I never wanted too much but now I want it ALL…”
-Alex Vaughn, Shift (Intro)
This particular trip down memory lane overwhelmed with me gratitude. Grateful that I was no longer wearing scrunchies that matched my bodysuits but most importantly thankful that all I’ve gone through has made me into the woman I am today.
Look at me...I had some nerve lol. I just knew I was ready for the world. I was so unbothered...didn’t really have a care in the world. I had no idea what was waiting for me but I can assure you, I wasn’t at all ready. The years following would be filled with trauma, pain, and heartache. I felt like I couldn’t catch a break. I often asked if I was so innocent and HAPPY as a kid, why ME? Why did I have to hurt? Why did I have to suffer?
Fast forward, 20+ years, I can’t say I have the answer to those questions. But after strengthening my relationship with God (which is not an overnight process...actually still working on it), I decided to cancel my pity party and consult the only person who knew the answers. After all, His word tells us that He knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5). So clearly He had some insight into what I was feeling.
The formal definition of strength is the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure. Well let me tell you, I know pressure. I recently heard a sermon that described the correlation between gold purification & God's shaping us to be formed in his image. It blew my mind really. During the purification process, gold is heated to extreme temperatures until a clear reflection can be seen. While God allows us to feel the pressure and even heat of life sometimes, it's never meant to destroy us. Instead, it's designed to purify us and shift us into the person that He created us to be. Ain't that something!!!
At this point in my life, I'm doing the work to acknowledge my hurt, heal my heart and forgive in an attempt to have unwavering joy and to walk in my purpose. One thing I know for certain is God knew I was strong enough to handle everything I went through. In the past, I would have said I wasn't but obviously I'd be lying because I’m still here, still standing...still smiling.
Until next time...